there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
