John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
