Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
