so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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