I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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