eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
