so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
