i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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