Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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