3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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