Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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