Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
