My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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