Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
