its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
