seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
