When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
