i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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