Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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