This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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