you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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