Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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