My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
