And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
