You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the raccoons are back...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
