I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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