she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
