I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
