Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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