your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
