I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
