i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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