well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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