Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is classic penis vs brain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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