So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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