does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
