she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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