I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
