I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
