I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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