I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
