So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
