Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
