gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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