Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
