If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
