weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
