hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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