i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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