My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
