He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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