I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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