it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
