I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
