but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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