I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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