break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
