my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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