He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
do herpes really smell.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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