They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize