pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
