he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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