I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
