Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You can't motorboat a personality
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
