so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
