Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
