I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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