I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
