why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Randomize
