god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Mom said you looked used
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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