I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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