I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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