you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
