Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
