My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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