I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
