On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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